That's intense
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i wish my penis had a tongue
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
