So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
