none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
