What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
