I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
