you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My liver just had a heart attack.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
