You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
