She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
