I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
