i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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