He kissed a someone with a penis
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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