Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
