shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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