I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
