Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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