I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
