Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
