I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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