im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half