dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever