So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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