First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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