Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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