I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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