you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
