the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
