I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
