Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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