You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
