Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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