I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
