If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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