'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
