sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
