It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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