I seem to have left my pride at pride
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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