Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
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Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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