I smell stomach acid.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
