when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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