how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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