There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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