Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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