You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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