We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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