How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i think my cat just said my name.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
