Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
