If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
