i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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