yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
