All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He felt like a one man threesome
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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