oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
