Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
