is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
