i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
