She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
