Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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