sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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