i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
