Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pants are for mortals
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm too high and old for this...