Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
