we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
