Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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