I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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