Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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