Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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