when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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