you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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