Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
