Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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