Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
