Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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