Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
