i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
we should paint friendship bongs
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