I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
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All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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